When a couple decides that divorce is the only option and separation is necessary, children are the ones that it affects the most. When you are faced with the probability of divorce, you first need to make sure that you and your children are taken care of. While the separation is going on you can request temporary orders for support, custody and visitation. This will minimize the confusion and stress for you as well as your children. These are the terms of your separation and will be in place until the divorce settlement is final. Not having these details to worry about will allow you the time and energy to be there for your children when they desperately need your attention.

Do you want to get a divorce and still have children that are emotionally intact? It’s not easy, but it can be done. This morning while out Christmas shopping I picked out something rather appropriate for my ex and his wife. They have been on my list for a long time-some thirty years. I am grateful that I still care enough about his feelings to express that at Christmas and for the record I send a birthday card to him every year. It wasn’t always like that and thirty years ago when the children were young it was very difficult for us to be civil to one another.

The temptation was there-to malign and disparage him at every turn. The first month we were not really a family when he brought them home from church they had a few things to say that startled me. They were expressing his anger at me in their innocent little voices and I heard it loud and clear. I simply phoned him to say that this was not the way it would be. In fact I said that the girls and I would leave the state and make things very difficult if he spoke poorly of me. In turn I promised not to speak ill of him and I kept that promise.

Later in life I was unfortunate enough to have an abusive relationship which presents a whole new set of problems as it relates to your children. So I do understand that a person might have difficulty holding their tongue in certain circumstances. It is never easy to divorce. So many dreams are shattered and the marriage failure makes everyone feel at fault. Frankly, it is something that you will never fully recover from. If your main concern is the emotional health and future well being of your children, please keep the ugly thoughts about your spouse from your children.

Although this formula for a “good” divorce may seem simplistic, the emphasis on a tolerant demeanor is paramount to keeping your children sane and happy. Please, please curb your anger when you are around your children. It will pay off years later when you see them in happy, sound relationships with their spouses and children. You will realize that the tolerance and good judgment you showed helped your children to remain undamaged overall. Nothing about divorce is easy but maintaining a good attitude toward that person you once loved will have enormous payoffs in the stability of your children.

B. Steele is a realtor in Nevada and a contributing editor for http://www.efy-online.com She has worn many hats during her career-mostly in sales of some kind. Among her work experiences she lists: retail fashion owner, restaurant owner, sales manager at a weekly newspaper, etc. She enjoys working with the public and training other sales people. Visit: Especially For You Online Today!