Since the holidays are upon us, I thought it fitting to focus on that "joyful" time of year. It is joyful isn't it? While most people may have visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads, step-families are probably more concerned about who will be where and what they will do once they get there. There's nothing like the holidays to give step-families a headache.
If you are in a new relationship, how will you deal with differing traditions? Your new partner may have two houses to go to and you usually have three. Can you fit in all of those in the short amount of time you have AND still get the children to your ex-spouse on time?
If this is your first holiday since your divorce, you may be feeling very sad about not having your children with you over the entire holiday like you are used to. Your anger at your ex-spouse may be a little more intense right now because this is a touchy subject for everyone. What will you do when your children are with your ex-spouse? How are your traditions going to be different?
Rather than peaceful expectation, you may be pulling your hair out right about now, or you may still have your head in the sand trying to deny that you'll have to deal with all of these questions. Well, brush that sand out of your eyes so you can focus, and leave some hair on your head so your relatives won't be too worried about you. The first thing to do is just acknowledge that the holidays will be different. Does that automatically mean worse? No! With some creative juggling and negotiations, this is an opportunity to develop some new traditions.
If it's just you and your kids at this point, sit down with them and talk about the upcoming holidays. If they voice disappointment with things being different, let them know you understand and if you feel the same, share that too. But, after doing this, it's time to re-focus on what the reality is and try to develop some fun ways that all of you can do things different, but also maintain some of the same. Maybe instead of that Christmas ham you never liked making, you could do Chinese takeout and lounge around in your pajamas instead of running here, there, and everywhere.
If you are in a new relationship and trying to merge many differing traditions, talk as a couple first about what your priorities are. Does your family HAVE to meet this person now? Could you have a New Year's Party or dinner party after the holidays to introduce him or her? Try to develop some rough ideas together. Then talk with your respective children about what's important to them. See where you can merge ideas and then run with it.
The truth to really hold on to in the midst of all this chaos is that while the holidays are important, don't get caught up in having to celebrate them on the actual day. The key to making any step-family work is to be flexible.
I wish you the best of luck and the happiest of holidays!
Visit http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com for more helpful hints on step-family preparation. You've already discovered how managing holidays is different with a step-family. Why not go a step further and take our free 5 day e-course entitled "What's Unique About Remarriages?" to further prepare for these differences? Just click on the "free e-course" link at http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com . Alyssa Johnson is the founder and CEO of Remarriage Success and can be reached through her website at http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com | 
