Growing Old In A Red Miata
I just had a birthday. Let me correct that: I just had ANOTHER birthday. Before you start congratulating me on making it through yet another year with most of my hair and a fair number of my own teeth intact, let me say that I was not particularly thrille
Gimme A Head With Hair
My old pal, Steve, called today, sounding all down in the dumps. "My hair's falling out," Steve said sadly. "So I called my doctor to see if he could give me something to keep it in."
Getting "Yankee Naked"
If you're a fan of the TV show "Seinfeld," you know that there are generally two kinds of naked: "good naked" and "bad naked." Good naked was represented by Seinfeld's beautiful girlfriend, who, as a practicing nudist, liked to sit around the apartment in
El Nino Made Me Do It!
Though they would never come right out and say it, I'm pretty sure the only thing they are convinced of is that I'm really just a highly functioning idiot savant, kind of a high octane Rain Man, if you will. Maybe that's why my wife never lets me drive.
Beanie Babies Anonymous
A wise man once said, "If you ignore something long enough, eventually it will go away." Actually, he said it several times, but nobody listened so he left.
All The President's Women
It warms the cockles of my heart to know that in this great country of ours any little boy can grow up to be a president who can't keep his line item veto in his pants.
A Christmas Of Good Intentions
If the Christ child had been born in a mall instead of a manger, we would not be celebrating Christmas today. The Three Wise Men would have never found a place to park.
How To Choose A Mistress
We gather on what would be his 279th birthday Jan. 17 - not to honor his achievements as a stuffy patriot, but to relish his irreverent advice as a columnist.
Part Two: The Hidden Diary of Bin Laden and God
If you haven’t been living under a rock for the last year or so, you know that the Apple iPod has far exceeded even Steve Jobs’ expectations. People like to listen and listening is a passive activity. In other words, you can listen to music or speech whil
Do Dead People Really Talk?
(Five minutes later!) My phone hasn’t rang yet so I’m confident that I’m right. So the next time you see a fortuneteller, save your money for something more important like a Big Mac.
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