I’m withdrawing my name from the 2008 Presidential race. I hate flying, riding in buses, and working. It would be worse if I were elected.
And the field is too crowded!
What? You didn’t know I was running. Don’t you ever read my articles?
Anyway, I’m staying involved in the race. I’ve decided to give important advice to the candidates. The first thing a candidate needs is a slogan like Ike’s I will go to Korea!
I was fighting in Korea. I said to myself, “Bring us ammo!”
Well, Ike said that but that was not his official slogan. His slogan was I Like Ike!
I got that catchy slogan and the other slogans at: http://www.presidentsusa.net/campaignslogans.html
1840 William Henry Harrison: Tippecanoe and Tyler Too That was a very good slogan. I think John Edwards could use that type of slogan: “I’m a runnin’ agin cuz I’m not through!”
1844 James K. Polk: 54-40 or fight Hillary Clinton could use something that sounds like that: “Women over 40, let’s fight to get it right!
1844 Henry Clay: Who is James K. Polk? Barack Obama could use that attack: “Who is Hillary Clinton?”
1860 Abraham Lincoln: Vote Yourself a Farm John McCain: “We need those wet-backs to farm!”
1884 Grover Cleveland: Blaine, Blaine, James G. Blaine, The Continental Liar from the State of Maine John Edwards: “McCain, McCain, that Guy from Arizona will be a big pain!”
1884 James Blaine: Ma, Ma, Where’s my Pa, Gone to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha Rudy Giuliani: “Ma, Ma, 911 is what I saw, goin’ to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha”
1916 Woodrow Wilson: He kept us out of war John Edwards: “Hillary Voted for the War!”
1920 Warren G. Harding: Return to normalcy Joe Biden: “Get Rid of Lunacy!”
1924 Calvin Coolidge: Keep cool with Coolidge Coolidge was still alive when I was born but I never met him. Well, I guess I haven’t met any of the others. Barack Obama: “Obama is Hot, Hot, HOT!”
1928 Herbert Hoover: A chicken in every pot and a car in every garage Hilary Clinton: “I’m not too hot to I talk a lot!”
1952 Dwight Eisenhower: I Like Ike Hilary Clinton: “I Like Me!”
1956 Dwight Eisenhower: Peace and Prosperity John McCain: “War is hell but I’m just swell!”
1960 Richard Nixon: For the future Arnold Schwarzenegger: “Will I have a future?”
1964 Lyndon B. Johnson: The stakes are too high for you to stay at home John Edwards: “We should pull up stakes and go home!”
1964 Barry Goldwater: In your heart you know he’s right Rudy Giuliani: George W’s presidency was a fright but I still love him!”
1968 Richard Nixon: Nixon's the One John Edwards, John Kerry, or John McCain: “I’m not done!”
1976 Gerald Ford: He’s making us proud again
Barack Obama: “A black Muslim can win!”
1976 Jimmy Carter: Not Just Peanuts Hillary Clinton: “I’ve got all the peanuts!”
1976 Jimmy Carter: A Leader, For a Change Joe Biden: “Hilary is just too lame!”
1980 Ronald Reagan: Are you better off than you were four years ago? John McCain: “Ten years from now will we be able to say that the troops came home four years ago?
1984 Ronald Reagan: It’s morning again in America Rudy Giuliani: “There was mourning in America!”
1984 Walter Mondale: America Needs a Change John Edwards: “Americans won’t have any change!”
1988 George Bush: Kinder, Gentler Nation Joe Biden: “America does not need a wimp like John Edwards!”
1992 Bill Clinton: Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow Hillary Clinton: “I’m going out of town. What will Bill be doing tomorrow?”
1992 Bill Clinton: Putting People First Hillary Clinton: “Not those people, Bill!”
1992 Ross Perot: Ross for Boss John Edwards: “Did I tell you my father was a mill worker?”
1996 Bill Clinton: Building a bridge to the 21st century Rudy Giuliani: “Building a Bridge to Italy!”
1996 Bob Dole: The Better Man for a Better America
Hillary Clinton: “I’m the MAN for America!”
2000 Al Gore: Prosperity and progress / Prosperity for America's families Al Gore: “Remember my old slogan!”
2000 George W. Bush: Leave no child behind Barrack Obama: “I won’t sit on my behind!”
2000 Ralph Nader: Government of, by, and for the people...not the monied interests John McCain: “Less talk, more action...except on those wet-backs!”
2004 John Kerry: Let America be America Again John Kerry: “Oh, PLEASE! Let me run again!”
2004 George W. Bush: Yes, America Can! Joe Biden: “George W. Bush and Dick Cheney put us in the can!”
Here are some of my slogans that the candidates might give a try:
“No income tax for those over 75!” “I’ll double Social Security payments to old people!” “I’ll cancel the Daily Show!” “The government will deposit $10,000.00 in a private account for each baby born so they can retire millionaires without Social Security at all!” “I’ll make gasoline out of smog!” “Dogs and cats will be allowed in public places.” “It will be okay to shoot a nosy or rude neighbor!” “There will be no laws on fireworks!” “Gas station attendants will again man the pumps for old people like they do in New Jersey and Oregon!” “Companies running commercials on TV will have to pay a ‘Watching Fee’ to each viewer!” “Cable companies will not be allowed to run TV Guide® or commercials on the television schedule page! Viewers will not have to watch brainless twits!” “Picking ones nose in public will not be a felony!” “Smoking and drinking and carousing will be okay in private clubs and on the streets of Chicago, New York, Philadelphia, and Los Angeles.” “Rapist will be surgically neutralized on conviction and released.” “Murderers will have there hands and feet removed surgically and released.” “Blasphemers will have their tongue surgically removed.”
Those last three slogans are for Barack Obama’s use.
The End
copyright©2007 John Taylor Jones, Ph.D.
John T. Jones, Ph.D. (tjbooks@hotmail.com, a retired VP of R&D for Lenox China, is author of detective & western novels, nonfiction (business, scientific, engineering, humor), poetry, etc. Former editor of Ceramic Industry Magazine. He is Executive Representative of IWS sellers of Tyler Hicks wealth-success books and kits. He also sells TopFlight flagpoles. He calls himself "Taylor Jones, the hack writer."
More info: http://www.tjbooks.com
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